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Our Parents and Elders
By Imam Yahya Hendi
One day you hear about a teenager murdering her own
father. A month later you see a news story about someone
being sentenced to 27 years in prison for shooting his
own father. A week later, its a teenager ending the life
of his own mother. In today’s society, we see a lack of
respect for parents that manifests itseld in many ways,
from children not calling them to ask how they are doing
to acts of violence against them. The big question is
why?
Is it because children do not see their own parents
setting a good example by checking on their elderly
parents? Or is it what our children see on TV? Is it the
school system that did not do its job? There are
numerous factors that have contributed to this problem,
however, we are all responsible for its creation and
ultimately its resolution. Parents and elders must
regain a status of honor and respect in our society.
A variety of forces have been systematically at work for
some time now busily breaking down the American family.
As a result, we have created a society that encourages
an attitude of indifference and lack of concern for
elders. There is a lack of fundamental respect and
consideration of children for their parents. The
situation is exacerbated as the children grow up and the
parents become isolated from them. If one’s parents are
sick and old, they usually end up in a deplorable
condition in a nursing home with occasional visits from
their children, if any at all.
I remember how I was taught as a child, not only by the
words of my parents regarding the importance of caring
for parents and elders, but by their actions as well. I
watched how loving and caring they were with their own
parents.
My mother’s words still ring in my ears. Whenever I
asked her about what it means for me to be a Muslim, her
answer would always be that my first duty is toward God,
The Almighty One. The rights of parents are placed at
the top of the list of how one must translate his/her
respect of God to respecting one’s parents. My mother
always reminded me of how the Qur’an reminds its readers
that our duties to parents come immediately after our
duty to God. The Qur’an states
“And Your Lord has decreed do no worship anybody but
God, and be good to your parents.” 17:23.
The Qur’an repeatedly orders us to behave humbly,
respectfully and tenderly towards our parents.
“And I, God, have enjoined on man being kind and dutiful
to his parents.” Qur’an 29:8.
Addressing the Israelites the Qur’an says:
“And remember I took a covenant from the children of
Israel: ‘Worship none but God, treat with kindness your
parents’” Qur’an 2:83.
Signifying the importance of this injunction the Qur’an
says:
“Say: ‘Come, let me convey to you what God has forbidden
for you: Do not join anything as equal with God, and do
not offend, but rather, be good to your parents.” Qur’an
6:151.
It means that one must bring every possible good to them
and to prevent any possible harm reaching them.
Someone came to Prophet Muhammad and asked him about
what deed is best loved by God? He answered, “The prayer
on its time, followed by kindness to the parents and
then to strive in service of God.” In another narration
Prophet Muhammad is said to have said, “ The pleasure of
God lies in the pleasure of the parent and the
displeasure of God is in the displeasure of the father.”
It is narrated that Prophet Muhammad told a person that
one who awakes in the morning as kind, was like one who
found the two doors opened for him in heaven. But one
who broke the day as disrespectful to his parents, was
like one who found the two doors opened for him in Hell.
The man asked the prophet that should one be kind and
obedient to his parents even if they were callous to
him? The prophet replied, “Yes, even if they are
callous; yes, even if they are callous; yes even if they
are callous.”
In this century as welll as centuries past, we have seen
a continuous rise in the average life expectancy; due in
great part to medical and technological advances.
Improved nutrition and healthier lifestyles have
contributed to people living longer than ever before.
With the rapid advances in our understanding of human
biology and advanced medical technology, predictions are
that the life span will further increase resulting in
more people reaching old age. At present there are
approximately 2.2 ,illion Americans who take care of
their 1.6 million elderly family members. Dr. Shirley
O’bryant, a family relations researcher at Ohio State
University estimates that today more than 80 percent of
couples in their 50s and 60s have at least one living
parent compared to less than 50 percent at the beginning
of the century. As the “baby boomers” age this number is
expected to rise even more, resulting in an increased
need for care. Their adult children who have family
responsibilities of their own and will be subjected to
increased pressures and stress will care for many of the
older adult population. Others whose care needs are
greater or where families don’t have the resources, will
end up in nursing homes.
The Qur’an tells us that special regard and care should
be given to parents as they age and are in need of their
children. It says:
“Whether one or both of them attain old age in your
life, say not a word to them of contempt, nor repel
them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of
kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say:
“my Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they
cherished me in childhood.” Your Lord knows best what is
in you hearts: if you do deeds of righteousness, verily
He is most forgiving to those who turn to Him again and
again (in true patience)” Qur’an17:23-25)
I hope and pray that our society takes this issue
seriously and improves in regards to the treatment of
our elders. It is about time that dialogue starts about
the need to restore the dignity our parents. |
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